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User talk:TokyoKid48
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the File:Shadow-0.png page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 00:00, November 12, 2018 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:21, November 12, 2018 (UTC) Re: Story It being your first story has no impact on our quality standards. If this were your fortieth story and it had the issues that were present in this one, it would still be removed for all the issues I'm about to list. Here's a copy for reference. There are a massive amount of capitalization, punctuation, redundancies, wording/spelling, and story issues here. Capitalization: "all that ended up coming out was(,/:) "w-who (W-who) ar-ar-are you?"", "of (Of) course all I got in response was ...", " I saw ITS face. a (A) wide smile", etc. Additionally you have a tendency to all cap words for emphasis when italics is a less blocky method. Five times is a bit excessive as well. Punctuation: Proper punctuation missing from sentences and contractions. ""Sizzle Burger"(.) so (So) yeah my life was not that great but I didn't complain", "Was it even a person.(?)", "DONT (Don't) LET IT DESTROY YOUR LIFE(punctuation missing)" Redundancies: You have a tendency to re-state lines and re-use words. "I went to bed at 9:30. I turned off the lights and went to bed.", "Sure it LOOKED like a person but it just looked so unnatural.", etc. Wording/spelling: "I used to life (live) in a (an) old apartment complex", "But than (then) I saw it", "They must of (have) heard my scream", etc. Story issues: "I swear. I'm not insane. I'm not mental. It was reality." Here's a link to our cliches page as that's a fairly generic opening to the story and immediately detracts from the story. This is especially true when the protagonist wraps up with: "Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I am insane. Maybe it was just a hallucination." when there's really been no change to make them come to that opposite conclusion. Story issues cont.: You overuse broken/incomplete sentences where most should have a comma break instead of a period. "Until that one night.", "The shadow.", "The silhouette of it.", "So did some neighbors.", "Like a virus.", etc. Story issues cont.: Additionally the story is rushed and the conclusion really doesn't hold up. The protagonist saying, "If anybody else here sees it. DONT LET IT DESTROY YOUR LIFE" comes off as a bit weak when the only real impact it's had on him was seeing it once and being jump-scared by it. The rushed nature is also compounded by the lack of effective description ("Mimicking the characteristics of a human, but in the most unnatural way ever." How was it unnatural? Paint a picture for the audience to actually build up tension and drive home how terrifying it was. Just stating that it was unnatural doesn't do much.). I'm sorry, but there are way too many issues here to overlook. Please note that this being your first story doesn't give you immunity to the quality standards all our authors uphold on this site. I would strongly suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as there are a lot of issues here mechanically and plot-wise. Best of luck with your writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:23, November 12, 2018 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:43, November 17, 2018 (UTC)